North49th

Dad's Memorial Service was a Great Tribute to his Life

Yesterday was my Dad's memorial service and it was a fantastic tribute to him and how he lived his life.  Dad was an amazing person and people gravitated to him naturally.  He helped everyone that needed it and was a true and life-long friend.  There ended up being about 500 people at Dad's memorial service!  What a great thing for my Mom to see.

The service included my cousin Doug Humphries, who led a few hymns just like my Dad used to.  My cousin Linda Atwell and her daughter sang, accompanied by her husband Howard. Pastor Jacques' message was great and his wife Tatiana coordinated the food.  My parents friend Clint Brumwell played the organ.  My cousin Sharon Morgan reflected on Dad's early family life and his good friend Al Butler spoke about the kind of friend Dad was.

It was hard to know how Mom was going to do but she ended up saying that she enjoyed the service so much.  She really felt that it was a great tribute to Dad, and it really was.

Ken, Donna and I wrote a few words which I read at the service.  I wasn't sure if I could get through it, but I did.  Here are the words from each of us:

From my brother Ken:

Dad loved to pull jokes on people, like the time we were going out with mom and dad for dinner. Dad was watching from the front window so that he could beat us to the back door and make it seem that he had been waiting for us for a long time. The only problem was he tripped and fell and when Lynn and I came in the back door dad was upside down on the stairs. At that point he looked up at us and said "what took you so long." Another time when we were little, Darren and I got new bikes, so mom decided to try out Darren's bike. Off she went around the block.  Then dad decided that he was going to catch mom on my bike and off he went. When mom came around the last corner dad went flying by her peddling backwards trying to stop. Dad didn't realize that my bike had handbrakes. Dad hit the curb and went flying through the air landing in the neighbours prickle bush. None of us could stop laughing.

Dad was always concerned about his kids and wanted the best for each of us; that also included his grandkids. Papa made every effort to attend the kid’s hockey games and some soccer games. He was always telling Jesse and Erin to do their best and play fair. About two months ago dad even phoned Jesse to tell him not to worry about the tryouts but do his best and that God is in control and would provide for next season. Dad said that it would all work out if Jesse trusted God.

Papa was the crazy-papa: he always was able to make Caitlyn smile even when she didn't feel like it. Papa would roughhouse with the kids, throw paper balls at them and make them laugh. Mom would say "oh Ken, stop getting the kids all worked up" but he just couldn't stop. Papa loved the kids so much. He's going to be greatly missed by all of them, and us as well.

Dad was a great example to us kids; he was kind, friendly, supportive and loved his Lord. We are better people today because dad has influenced all of our lives in one way or another. His faith lives on through us who are still here fighting the good fight.

From my sister Donna:

How do I find the words to be eloquent enough to describe who my Dad was and what he meant to me?

I guess I can start off by saying that right from the start of our lives we were chosen to be a part of Dad and Mom’s life. Gifts from God placed into their home to be nurtured in love, with family values, fun and laughter and the teaching’s of the bible. We learned Respect, we learned the value of a dollar, and we were taught Sunday was for reflection and going to church...there was no TV allowed. 

We grew closer to our parents as we grew apart in our independence. My Dad always had high expectations and when we got a 95% on a test he teased us by asking where the other 5% was. We strove to do well in so many areas of our lives but when we did stumble along the way my Dad was there to pick us up. He was even there when we didn’t expect him to be, stepping in as a father does to protect his children.

I will forever miss him in my life and my sons, but I will never forget the lessons he has taught me, the support he has given me and the unconditional love he has had for our whole family. He was an incredible substitute father figure for my son and I could ask for no better role model than my father. Dad, I Love you.

From Me:

There just isn’t time to cover all that we could say about my Dad.  It’s taken him a lifetime to complete his story, so we can’t bottle that story up in just a few words.  Of course, I’ll attempt it anyway...

To his friends and family, Dad was faithful and giving.  He was always ready to help anyone, anytime and in any way he could.  He always had the most ready smile, could light up the room with his effervescence and be heard from any part of the building.  Dad’s friendship was given without expectations and without a time limit.

To Mom, Dad was a loving, life-long companion.  Mom and Dad did everything together.  I know when Carolyn and I think of a “cute old couple” we immediately think of Mom and Dad.  Dad made Mom smile, he made her laugh, he drove her nuts at times, but loved and cared for her always.  We’re so sad for Mom but we know, and she knows that she and Dad will be together again.

To his grandchildren, Dad was...Papa.  He absolutely loved being with the kids.  He loved to hear about how they were doing with school and to cheer for them at recitals and church concerts.  His grandchildren will remember the tickles, his smile, his laugh, his hugs.

To us kids, Dad was consistent, protective, caring and godly.  Dad was always ready to look after us, look out for us and help us to grow.  He cared deeply for us, for our eternal souls and wanted us to live a life worthy of being called “Christian”.  He let us learn from our own mistakes but never criticized and was always ready to help us back up. 

He truly was an exceptional friend, husband, father, and words just don’t suffice.  You each have shared in his story, in his life, and as a result hold a piece of him in your hearts. 

Dad, we will miss you.

 

 

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Dad's Memorial Service - June 30th

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The memorial service for Dad will be on Wednesday the 30th at 11am at the following address:

Calvary Baptist Church
300 Rossland Road East
Oshawa, ON L1G 2X1

Here is a link to the directions:  http://www.calvary.on.ca/10169/content/content_id/26851/Map

Everyone is welcome to attend to celebrate Dad's life with the family.  Following the service all are welcome to share a lite lunch with us that Dad's home church family (Newcastle Fellowship) will be preparing.  The interment will only be for immediate family.  Please pass this information on to those who may want to attend so that they have the opportunity.

We would like to thank everyone that has prayed for Mom and Dad through this brief but trying time and for all the help offered.  If we could, we would hug you all.

If you are not able to attend but wanted to pass a word along to Mom feel free to email me and we will pass it along:  darrenhmail AT gmail DOT com

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My Dad's Suffering is Over

At 3pm today my Dad passed away.  His fight against cancer was short but his lasting legacy will go on for much longer.

There's way too much that would need to be said to describe Dad.  He was an exceptional father to 3 kids, a loving and dedicated husband of 55 years, the kind of friend that defies words and a follower of God.

Don't be sad for Dad; he's in heaven now and not burdened with a broken down body any longer.  He is having a reunion with all those that went ahead of him and meeting his Saviour face-to-face.  Its those left behind that are sad, but at the same time so happy for Dad.

Thanks everyone for your thoughts and prayers.

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Wow! Dusk, Shot with @Palm Pre

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I took this shot through my Dad's hospital room.  LOVE how the colours came out!

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Update on Dad

Things are not too great with Dad right now.  We keep on coming across road blocks and think “once this is looked after...”, but once a road block is taken care of another replaces it.

Late last week Dad was having a hard time with breathing and eating (or rather, drinking).  Anytime he drank something he couldn’t keep it down.  We figured this was possibly because of healing that needed to take place.  It turns out to have been a ridiculous fluid build-up.

On Tuesday (after waiting since Friday, arg!) Dad had a procedure to drain fluid from his abdomen.  The doctor ended up draining 3.5 litres, which is just incredible to me.  No wonder he’s been so uncomfortable!!

Dad felt better right away and we hoped this would mean a bit of a rally on his part. Sadly, Dad is just running out of strength for any kind of bounce back.  This breaks our hearts so much.  Dad is looking weak.  Mom even said she doesn’t think he’ll be able to come home.  Admitting these kinds of things may be therapeutically important but it does nothing to assuage raw feelings.

For his part, Dad has said many times he is ready to go ‘home’ and last night said he just wants to see his saviour.  Finding the words to express my mixed feelings is not easy.  We don’t want to see Dad go.  We don’t want him to suffer.

Just so that you know; Dad is in no pain at all.  He and mom really feel this is God sparing him having to go through that as well and feel that is how God is honouring all the prayers from so many friends, family and acquaintances.  Keep up the prayers for both Dad and Mom.  Mom has had to face a lot in the last couple months and has done so well, but we know she struggles at times, who wouldn’t?

A little bit of extra prayer for Carolyn would be appreciated.  As I’m sure you know, she lost her Dad just months ago and having to relive it all isn’t easy.  She’s feeling just as sad as the rest of us but has the extra burden of emotions and feelings that haven’t had much time to heal.

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Dad Just Can't Catch A Break

Over the last few weeks, since Dad had his surgery, we've been waiting to see obvious signs of recovery.  The idea was for Dad to have this surgery and be able to come home while he healed up. Well, that hasn't really happened and it's getting frustrating, more so for Dad than anyone else.

Dad has had a problem with a fluid build-up and leakage.  The doctors now want to take a sample of this to find out the source.  It is most likely as a result of surgery but they need to know before they can treat it.  Whatever it is there is some infection associated, which is sapping Dad's strength.  He's been on antibiotics since the surgery but this fluid is still there.

Dad's also been having a hard time keeping food down. At first we thought it was a blockage but after doing a CT scan it looks like it may just be the infection and an inordinate amount of acid.  Doctor's are working on this.

The new obstacle is that Dad's heart isn't doing well.  He's had atrial fibrillation for a long time now, and doctors have been watching it closely but that isn't the problem now.  He has heart disease and may have some blockage.  Arg!  Dad just can't catch a break.

When you combine the infection, the lack of solid food and his heart it's no wonder he's exhausted all the time!  He is so weak it's hard to even hear him speak.  If you know my Dad, you know how shocking a statement that is.

First thing to be done is to find out about this fluid, then see what we can do for the heart.  We really want for Dad to come home, but that isn't happening for a while yet.

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Dad is Looking Better

We have a ways to go yet, but my Dad is more noticeably recovering from his surgery.  Since his surgery almost two weeks ago he has been looking so drained and hasn't had any energy at all.  Dad is normally very outgoing, but this has really knocked him down.

In the last couple days he has had a lot of tubes removed and is not on oxygen anymore, so we know he's getting there.  He'll probably still be in the hospital for a week or two, but we're finally feeling better about how he is progressing.

Honestly, there are just no words to tell you how relieving that is!  It's great to see Dad doing some exercises in bed and I know he is going to be feeling much more uplifted seeing this progress in himself.  Yesterday he had food for the first time in a LONG time and it actually made my eyes well up just to see him going to town on the mashed potatoes (they didn't have a chance!!).

I'll probably update on Dad more this weekend.  Thanks again to everyone for your thoughts and prayers and a HUGE thanks for the Butlers for organizing rides and being such a support for Mom.  Also a huge thanks to all those that are driving my Mom to the hospital in the morning and for all the offers of help!!

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What Exactly is "Normal"?

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Some days it's just so surreal to be at work and going through the motions like it's a "normal" day.  There's nothing normal in having your Dad in the hospital.

Growing up, my Dad represented everything stable and strong.  Dad could open any bottle, lift any box and run faster than us.  He could tickle us into submission and shovel the driveway in half the time.  His rules were firm but always consistent.  So, seeing Dad in the hospital with little strength and struggling just to find the will to recover from surgery feels wrong.  Seeing him coming to terms with stage 4 colon cancer seems unjust.  This just isn't supposed to happen to Dad...not my Dad.

Sure, many have gone through this before us but that was always "other people".  That distance allows for a buffer in feeling it couldn't happen with our own family.  We all know it can happen but until it does we don't know exactly what that means.  Carolyn (my wife) lost her Dad six months ago and even though he and I were close I can see how much more painful that lose was and is still for her.  Carolyn's Dad was her symbol of strength.

At this point we don't know how long we have with my Dad but are determined to get the most out of the time that we can.  Before that can happen Dad still has a significant road to recovery.  Right now, that is looking like a hard and rocky road.  We can see that road and we know Dad can do it, but I'm not sure Dad feels the same way right now.

Forgive me for not always being able to post positive things about my Dad.  We really do feel that things are going as well as they can; Dad has great care and the support of his whole family.  But at times it just feels wrong to have your own icon of strength become an example of human frailty.

Back to work...

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Pictures with Dad

Dad is on the mend after surgery to remove a tumour.  We thought we'd all get in a turn with Dad...well, except for Carolyn: 

(download)

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