What Exactly is "Normal"?
Some days it's just so surreal to be at work and going through the motions like it's a "normal" day. There's nothing normal in having your Dad in the hospital.
Growing up, my Dad represented everything stable and strong. Dad could open any bottle, lift any box and run faster than us. He could tickle us into submission and shovel the driveway in half the time. His rules were firm but always consistent. So, seeing Dad in the hospital with little strength and struggling just to find the will to recover from surgery feels wrong. Seeing him coming to terms with stage 4 colon cancer seems unjust. This just isn't supposed to happen to Dad...not my Dad.
Sure, many have gone through this before us but that was always "other people". That distance allows for a buffer in feeling it couldn't happen with our own family. We all know it can happen but until it does we don't know exactly what that means. Carolyn (my wife) lost her Dad six months ago and even though he and I were close I can see how much more painful that lose was and is still for her. Carolyn's Dad was her symbol of strength.
At this point we don't know how long we have with my Dad but are determined to get the most out of the time that we can. Before that can happen Dad still has a significant road to recovery. Right now, that is looking like a hard and rocky road. We can see that road and we know Dad can do it, but I'm not sure Dad feels the same way right now.
Forgive me for not always being able to post positive things about my Dad. We really do feel that things are going as well as they can; Dad has great care and the support of his whole family. But at times it just feels wrong to have your own icon of strength become an example of human frailty.
Back to work...
